Medications, doctor’s visits, baby diapers, pull-ups, seizures, temper tantrums…..and so much more were the norm at our house!  Things were definitely different with two children to take care of and, to make things worse, there seemed to be  little to no improvement in my little girl’s behavior like I had hoped for, at home or at school. She was challenging her teachers on a daily basis but I knew that before she could learn they would have to teach her to behave and that wouldn’t be an easy task. The special education program that she was in was for children with autism aimed at improving communication skills and behavior, which was exactly what she needed.  However, we never heard the words “autism” from anyone, only that she had autistic tendencies and her speech was severely delayed. Her teachers not only helped her, but were there for me as well.  I called them our ‘miracle workers.’ They gave me advice, spent time explaining things to me, and even empathized with me when I needed it the most.  They made me feel somewhat competent and they helped me eventually become ready for the Truth about my daughter and her future through their daily communication logs.

School Journal Entries by Ms. Elaine Stephens (Miracle Worker #1):

August 22^nd, 1995:  Her temper flares are shorter, quick screams, then compliance.  She painted in PPCD room.  It will take us time, but I think we are on the right track. 

September 29th, 1995:  She worked almost 30 minutes straight with the OT. We had men coming in and out of our room working on the air conditioner. When they came in Lauren would say “good morning” we are going to appoint her our hostess!

October 12^th, 1995:  Major fit in pm, we tried letting her come to music circle time and she wouldn’t stay, so after several tries we took her back to her area.  This made her really mad! 

October 18^th, 1995:  She is talking so much more and clearer.  We can now understand her when she tells us to “shut-up.”  We let her play out of her area with other kids and she did fine.  At one time she came over where I was writing in books and got up in my lap, just to visit.

November 15^th, 1995:  She learned the finer points of rock throwing yesterday.  Today she tried her new skill and got into trouble so she flung herself down for a fit (twice). Then she sat herself down on the bench.  Lots of talking-wish I could understand more of what she’s saying.  She bit herself during her first fit.

December 13th, 1995:  OK, day, I hope the brushing calms her at home. She’s still working hard on your present. She threw a handful of beads at me and she was quite shocked when I made her pick them up and then sit in a chair. She said a lot of things to us from that chair!!

January 22^nd, 1996:  Fishing was not a lot of fun today.  It drizzled and the fish did not bite.  I do not see a difference in her behavior at school.  She continues to challenge authority continually.  We’ve gone back to the 10 X 2 compliance.  She seems more comfortable with the structure.

February 1^st, 1996:  Whoops!  We got thrown out of Early Childhood for screaming-she hasn’t had any big fits in our room, but challenges everyone by putting toys in her mouth, picking things that she shouldn’t, and crawling under tables. 

February 26^th, 1996:  No tantrums today!  We have all noticed how much more she has been talking.  Still not interested in playing with the others but is playing closer to them now.  We worked on compliance and “Give me…”

February 28^th, 1996:  Very distractible today, impulsive and loud, other than that she was happy.  Why did her doctor say to just give her Ritalin in the morning?  It’s already through her system by the time she gets to school.  We can handle it but would make her life easier if she could focus on something for a little longer.  She is so bright that I hate to lose any time with her. 

March 5^th, 1996:  I had three children under three and an absent husband!  It will get easier as you start to feel better.  Of course you won’t be able to sleep over four hours at a time for the next twenty years!  She is much more focused and the Ritalin has definitely not decreased her appetite. 

April 4^th, 1996:  She was upset before the egg hunt and got more upset after we got there.  She hunted eggs with me and had a great time but things started falling apart for her and we came back.  Is she biting at home?  She tried to bite one of her teachers. I’m sorry the tantrums at home are getting worse.  Have you told the doctor?

April 16^th, 1996:  Great day!  Glad to hear that she is being kinder to baby Sam.  Just sorry he has to go through that. She sorted colors much easier today, colored circles, read a book, talked about growing vegetables today.

May 24^th, 1996:  Thanks for the cookies!  They were just what we needed to get us through our day.  She has been great today following directions and participating in classification activity with three other students.  Maggie told her to wait for her outside the room and she did!

May 27^th, 1996:  Good day!  She sat at tape recorder with headphones and listened and sang with the music about 30 minutes.  It was so cute as she would hear a song that she liked and get up to bring the headphones to me, which of course when she walked across the room would come unplugged-she would say “no music” and go back and try again.  She tried to wander away from the playground at recess but she would wave before she left!

That’s how her first year of school basically went.  There were ups and downs and we were trying hard to figure out her behaviors and work with doctors on medications and dosages.  Her teachers communicated with us daily, letting us know if the medicines were working or not.  I admit I appreciated all of their comments, but there were times when I would read that journal and just cry.  I didn’t know what to do and I was overwhelmed.  I was doing my best but my best wasn’t good enough. I was still clinging to the hope that she would ‘catch-up’ and I was still hanging on to my rope as tightly as I could!