Eight years of elementary school were quite the challenge for everyone and when she was ready to move on there wasn’t a dry eye in the room. I was scared to death to let that little girl move on to the ‘big, bad middle school’ where she would be an imperfect fish in a big sea. They had taken such good care of her at elementary school and even though she was already older than everyone else, I still wanted her to stay. Everyone knew her and loved her, from the secretary to the lunch ladies. They learned to be patient with her and they knew how to handle all of her ‘quirky’ behaviors without blinking an eye. She was wrapped in a big,  warm, protective blanket, surrounded by people that loved her and now we had to say, “Goodbye.”

Eight years ago a little girl walked into school one day,

Some people wondered how she’d learn; but no one turned away.

Each day they trained her how to act, and gave her skills she somehow lacked.

They even taught her words to read; Her parents knew this an awesome deed.

This little girl gave quite a fight, but no one ever near lost sight.

And with each passing year gone by, her teachers found new things to try.

There are no words one can express, to show these parents’ gratefulness.

There is no doubt this girl was blessed, to be amid such selflessness.

So take these words you see above, and know that you are truly loved.

For all you’ve done for this little girl, and how you’ve changed her parents world.

A part of you will always be,

Inside that little girl of three.

Who now moves on with so much more, 

Than she had had eight years before. 

Despite the fact that I was nowhere near ready for her to leave,  it was time for the “T” Word. It was time to face the transition to middle school. Or, for parents of children with disabilities, it was just another opportunity to think about how different our children were from everyone else.  Just when you get comfortable with everything in your child’s world, change arrives. As parents, we expect our children to grow up and make their way in the world. It’s exciting as we watch them grow, mature and learn to handle the world around them. Elementary to middle school, middle school to high school, getting a driver’s license, graduating, going off to college, dating, getting engaged, marriage, having children, working………somebody stop me before this gets out of hand!  But, when you have a child with a disability, you end up ‘dreading’ those moments because you know they’ll never be what you had imagined. They’ll never be what’s typical and they’ll never ever be easy.  It’s just another announcement from the universe that, “Hey! Wake up! You’re still in Holland! This plane ain’t going to Italy anytime soon!” Silly, isn’t it, but “it is what it is.”

This was our first big transition and I was a complete mess. Thank goodness we had another miracle worker, simply named Misti, ready to take over where the others had left off.  She made sure I understood that my girl was going to a safe place and that she wouldn’t let anything happen to her.  She quickly became another life-long friend and she was able to alleviate some of my fears about my baby heading to middle school.  Mostly, I was afraid that she would start to realize how different she was from everyone else. And then I was afraid of………….EVERYONE ELSE!

In my personal and professional life, I was transitioning as well. I was working hard and discovering that teaching children with special needs wasn’t easy.  I felt such a responsibility to each of them, and their parents, to teach them as much as I could.  The first year was awful.  Despite the fact that I had an amazing mentor, Rose, who had years of experience, I still felt so overwhelmed. She was there for me so many times with answers to my questions, “What do I do? How do I do it? How can I do it? and When is summer?” It was Rose’s sense of humor and patience that kept me together most days, and even though I thought about giving up plenty of times, I never did. I never did because my daughter’s teachers had never given up on her.  She had come so far because they were invested in her education and they never underestimated her potential.  That’s what I held on to with my students and that’s what I saw in all of them………..the potential to learn anything if someone just believed in them and showed them how to believe in themselves.

The rest of the family was moving along and happily transitioning just fine. Baby girl was growing fast and she wasn’t that quiet little baby anymore.  On the contrary, she was talking up a storm to everyone and anyone that listened to her.  I had no fears or worries about her development.  Like her brother, she was meeting all of her milestones and was so bright and quite the social butterfly. She was beautiful and getting compliments from people everywhere we went.  I knew that she would be the little girl of my dreams from many years before. Baby Boy continued to provide us with so much pride.  He was so smart and was reading and writing above level in Kindergarten and first grade.  He participated in sports and  was invited to birthday parties and had friends over to play…..so many of the things that his sister never had been able to do.  There I go again, comparing both of them to HER. But, it was true, they were doing all of the things that their sister wasn’t able to because of her disabilities. And because of that, I felt lost; lost between Holland and Italy ……never feeling comfortable in either place.