That little girl still challenged her teachers each and every day, but she had come so far in just a few years.  We were lucky and we knew it.  We had had some of the most amazing teachers and people in our lives, including our family, and that made all the difference. We continued on with life’s ups and downs and we made the most of every little accomplishment. I continued organizing support group meetings for the Epilepsy Foundation and participating in various meetings and advocacy opportunities. It was a positive distraction for me and I enjoyed every minute.

My connection with the Epilepsy Foundation had started years before when I attended a conference in Houston hoping to learn more about epilepsy and seizures. During one of the session breaks, I noticed a friendly face sitting at one of the parent resource tables and introduced myself. I innocently asked if there was a support group in my area. She smiled and quickly replied, “No, but would you like to start one?” Before I knew it, I had made a life-long friend, named Tracy; and had taken an important step down a path that would lead me to finding myself. I suddenly became a part of something bigger than just my family and my problems. I became part of a community and I was feeling fortunate to finally ‘fit in’ somewhere and I wondered………where else could I fit in?

I started to think more about my life and what I was doing with it.  Was I making an impact, was I making a difference?  What would people say about me when I was no longer around? That’s when I started to think that maybe I could work with children with disabilities, maybe I could teach?  After all, I was enjoying my support group meetings and helping others. Maybe I wasn’t so good at the sharing part, but I was good at the listening and I definitely could empathize with everything other families were going through. Helping others was the one thing that seemed to keep me from dwelling on my own problems and it gave me some purpose for my life and our struggles.

So, could I do it?  Could I become a teacher and help other children like my little girl?  I knew one of my daughter’s teachers at school had gone through a certification program and I had her send me information about it.  She was Andrea Siebert, Miracle Worker #4. She encouraged me and told me she would be there to help if I needed her.  I was thinking seriously about it, was I crazy?   Maybe I should find something else to occupy my mind and my time? And, well, that’s what happened.  Guess what honey, I’m pregnant, AGAIN!  Did I think my life wasn’t insane enough that I wanted another one?

But, honestly, part of me did want another child, another opportunity for happiness, another sibling for my little girl and after all, my little man had been wonderful and easy and all that it was supposed to be.  Maybe it would be a baby girl, but this time the baby girl in ribbons and curls that I had visions of many years before. The little girl that would be in that dance class, walk those high school hallways with her boyfriend and stand in that aisle wearing my wedding dress on her special day.  It was crazy, I know, but it would be one of the best things to happen to all of us.

School Journal Entries:

*August 23rd, 2000: Baby is due October 16! Maybe a couple of weeks before I can send a baby doll and you can talk about babies and being quiet and not sitting on the baby! She was up early this morning so she may be a little wacky!

August 23^rd, 2000:  We will practice and talk to L about babies and how to be quiet and not to sit on her baby sister!  She has been having a good week.  She stayed in her first grade classroom and watched a movie. She is also going to the Resource room with Ms. Ochoa.  She goes for 15 minutes at a time.  She looked a little on the shaky side this afternoon.

   *September 27th, 2000: Thanks for the teacher certification booklets. I picked up this year’s registration packet and will take it November 11th! Now I will just have to study in between baby feedings! Things are still rough at home, especially the evenings and mornings. However, she is getting good at dressing and washing her hands. Please talk to her about how to treat babies. She has been talking a lot about mommy having a baby and getting a baby sister, but she tried to climb into the bassinet the other day and was chewing on the pacifiers!

September 29^th, 2000:  We are having good mornings, not sure why sometimes afternoons are more difficult.  I talked to behavior specialist and she reminded us to completely ignore negative behavior unless it will hurt L or others.  She felt that L was getting something out of our negative comments and attention.  We are going to comment positively the minute she does something good and include her in activities.  So, we have all been trying this and seems to have helped.  We will talk about her new baby sister!

October 24^th, 2000:  L has been showing off her baby sister’s picture and telling everyone she is “booful”.  L’s friends from 1^st grade asked her to play but she wanted to look for birds and squirrels.  They agreed, with help, to look for birds and squirrels with her for one minute, then L would play with them with chalk. 

November 9^th, 2000:  I feel lucky that this diet has been working for her, even though she has to stay on it for a while longer!  She had a good day in Resource today.  She did a good job listening in 1^st grade classroom.

November 21^st, 2000:  What did you give this girl this morning?  It’s the best I’ve seen her color in a while.  She was focused and stayed in the lines of her Indian girl!  She counted money at calendar time today and asked a friend in resource to help her put a floor puzzle together, they worked nicely together.

   *December 4^th, 2000:  She had a great weekend at home!  She went to a Christmas party and saw Santa and danced.  She put two ornaments on the tree (first time she ever participated in decorating).  I passed my teacher certification test, what a relief!

December 4^th, 2000:  Way to go on your test, you did all that studying with a new baby at home?  You go girl!!!  We saw some behaviors today that we haven’t seen in quite some time, defiance and running away. 

   *January 16th, 2001:  Just wanted to let you k now that she complained about the following things hurting her over the weekend; elbow, hand, mouth, neck, ear, foot and mouth. I’ll probably end up taking her to the doctor for something! She was a little rowdy last night and didn’t sleep much. I’m going back to bed with the baby, thanks!

January 24th, 2001:  Today L stayed with her friends in Ms. Ashlock’s class for 20 minutes by herself during circle time! Mrs. Ashlock wanted to try it. Two friends walked her back! She had a good day with Ms. Ochoa in resource today. 

   *February 12th, 2001:  OK, folks! I took L to the doctor Saturday morning to have her checked out and get answers for her neck holding and ear complaining. She was quite enraged at the doctor and we had to hold her down. The doctor said her ears were clear and so was her throat. He couldn’t think of a reason for why she was acting this way except obsessive-compulsive? She complained all weekend about her neck, ear, elbow and hand. She wouldn’t eat and I had to feed her. I’m so confused, I don’t know what this can be except attention but I hope we get passed it!

February 14th, 2001:  She had a very difficult day today, almost like Ritalin wasn’t working. We tried to get her to take her hand off her neck to take a picture, but we weren’t too successful.